System-vector psychology. What to do if your husband has a child?
Violence against children in the family is always amazing, especially when we see them nose to nose. The helplessness in this situation, the inability to help the child, empathy for the tiny creature that cannot defend itself – all these feelings overwhelm, when you see a father or mother, in a frenzy Loupian their child. What to do and how to help your child? First we need to help parents.
Sometimes parents beat their children just because, no reason, no reason at all. Just for wymesone evil or approval of their authoritarian rule. And in the vast majority of cases, parents beat children, so they called educational purposes – usually, the punishment for misdemeanors and neposlushaniya.
Violence in the family, children need help or parents?
Once outside the shop I saw a boy, 7 years old, crying bitterly. He quietly sobbed and no visual woman would be unable to pass by without him sympathetically. But no one passed by and the boy apparently cried alone.
I approached him and asked if he lost? He shook his head. And continued to cry. After a brief conversation, it became clear that the child is afraid of his father, afraid to go home. He was sniffling, looked back and was told that if the house has a mom, she always protects. But now my grandmother was ill and my mother had gone to the village to be with her. While he stayed at home with her older sister and dad. Dad almost every day, beats him with a belt, without removing the buckle. The boy nodded, tears dripped on the pavement: “So it hurts more.” and all shrivelled up.
At this point we were approached by a man – a young, tall, pretty and beautiful. He pulled the boy’s hand, not paying attention to me. The child trudged gloomily after him, it became clear that this is the same father. I could not budge from surprise: during a conversation with a child, I had the feeling that his father is a real freak, a sadist, iznyvayuschaya over the child. And then – the usual person and can not be distinguished from the other.
“Wait! – I yelled, ” wait!”” The man stopped and turned around, he quietly waited, even if I was not going to run away anywhere. “Why are You beating up a child? He is afraid of You!” – I was sure that I have the right to say it. The man rapped out: “beat, beat and will be beat. “I am stunned and staring at him – how is that possible? In today’s world, where violence against children in the family so condemned, he calmly says this to a complete stranger. What if I’m from the police or a social service? After all, there is any punishment for such…
“Your wife certainly says: my husband is a brute! Stop torturing your child! How can You live when Your baby is crying?”
The man was silent for a moment. And then said, “I’d beat him. He is stealing at school, children things. For six months, as the school goes, it is nothing but complaints. And yesterday I stole a teacher’s mobile phone from her purse. How can I raise? Yes, I beat him, punish! He deserved”.
I stopped short. In the eyes of the father of scarlet flame burning with shame at his own child. It was very unpleasant having this conversation with me, it’s interference in the lives of his family, however, he evaded the answer. Moreover, it was evident that the situation with his son incredibly disturbing. Him as a father don’t like that their child commits a crime. And he understands that there is in this child’s behavior to his father’s fault. It can be understood in every complaint about the theft of the child, he heard the accusation: As you bring up your son? You may steal once the baby grows a thief? Where are you looking, a couple of years, and he will go to jail? But actually the father himself is a very honest person, nothing ever took!
There was a pause. So we stood. I and two men, one with righteous anger in her eyes, the other with tears and pleading to save him.
Bitterly, very bitterly watched the man for me. And in his eyes there was a question: “What do I do with this little thief? How to make it not stealing?”
In the current situation, psychological assistance in cases of violence need not so much the victim, a child, much to the father. Not knowing how to get out of the situation, and burning with shame because of his son, with the best intentions it only makes it worse. The more he beat his kid, the more he will steal. This is how to put out the fire with gasoline – only brighter flame erupted. Such fatal interdependence can lead to the fact that the father will score either child to death, or grow him a real petty thief, pickpocket, or tricksters who life in prison. Or, perhaps, a bitter alcoholic, not able to be realized in life and seeking solace in vodka or wine.
Child stealing in school, is not a criminal. It’s just a baby born with skin vector – with the right development of his abilities, he will grow very law-abiding citizen, for whom the word of the law will be greater than anything else. Theft is a consequence of stress in the dermal vector. It is from skin children can grow engineers, jurists, lawyers, managers. But only if they are not beaten in childhood.
How to educate these children? Quite simply, it does not need to exert much effort – just ask your child the correct direction of development and to explain what is good and what is bad. Only to explain his language, skin. but not on his. In order to do it correctly and without error, you need to understand the psychology of their own offspring. This can be done on the training system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. To sign up for training and go through the first lesson for free here.
More about parenting, read on this resource .