Parent and child
Interview with a clinical psychologist Children’s hospital of St. Mary Magdalene Pavel Vladimirovich Mamayev
– Pavel Vladimirovich, what point of development the child can talk about the psyche?
it ’ s Mental development of the child begins in utero. It was at this time forming the basic characteristics of mental processes. It is difficult to determine, whether inherited or that trait, or it is formed at the earliest stages of development. Mother and unborn child – one organism. So those experiences that mother feels, to a certain extent, is also a little child. When the baby is born, he finds himself in very unusual conditions. Now much has been written and spoken about the importance of the first latch. Among other things, this is one of the most important moments of mental development, when formed by the basic trust in the world. World for a child may be assessed as a friendly phenomenon, with which you can interact on a confidential basis, to use its resources, to transform it. Conversely, the child may perceive the world as a hostile environment, where all unknown poses a threat. Such children are visible at once. They can be trapped, enslaved, may show protective aggression. Basic trust in the world is entirely dependent on the mother, her relationship to the child.
Massage and water therapy in addition to form a baby’s understanding of the body schema. Later developed and active motor activity, coarse, and then fine motor skills. All this is of great importance for spatial representations.
Many diseases are formed in children due to improper relationship of mother to child. Such diagnoses as vegetative-vascular dystonia, complaints of pain in the heart, not confirmed by objective medical research, Allergy, asthma, always have a certain psychological underpinnings. In General, any disease related to the environment in which the child lives.
– You spoke about the role of the mother, and what is the role of the father?
– How often do we say about a father and a child? What is his role in the family? Unfortunately, quite often faced with the opinion that he just needs to make money, nothing else matters. Many fathers these are limited, so just abandoning the main role in the family. It is well known that it is better to show than to tell. For the boy’s very important living example to follow, but the girl’s father is also required. Dad in the eyes of a daughter – this image of a man. And often, as adults, those girls whose fathers at the time, withdrew from education, can not arrange his personal life. Generally the child needs two parents, so he had the idea of family roles.
– You spoke about the influence of environment on the development of the psyche, can you give an example?
– Imagine the situation: a child in a new clean overalls went outside – and fell face first into a puddle. The entire catsuit in mud. From how to behave mother in such an ordinary situation, depends very much. My mom shouting to rush to their child, heroically rise from the puddles, wipe with a handkerchief. And the child in the future will be nothing left to do but wait until your mother once again rescued him. After 10 years, this mother will lead him to a psychologist and tell them he doesn’t want to do anything.
If the mother starts to scold the child to blame the sluggishness, laziness and all the hardship, the child is also in itself an unpleasant situation and still feels guilty. And in future similar cases, this feeling is amplified. The result is a guilt complex, that may aggravate and somatic diseases.
Some moms still, what happens to the child. If he fell in a puddle –that’s his business, mom got better things to do. In this case, the child grows up abandoned, abandoned, useless even seem to be in the “safe” of the family.
Finally, there are parents who understand that children do not yet know all of it. They are not hard once again press the button on the washing machine and be laundered overalls. If the child is experiencing, hugging him, listen, but don’t make a tragedy out of or feat.
– What can You say about children’s hysterics?
– By the end of the first year of life, the child gradually begins to copy the behavior of their parents. How, for example, a mother reacts to a bad situation? If she rolls her hysterical husband in the presence of one-year-old boy, he realizes that so people get the desired. And at the right moment the kid can use this method myself. Children try different ways of interacting with the world, and in particular this one. It is very important to respond to that correctly: not to scream at him not to lift from the floor, but do not rush immediately to fulfill his desires. You just have to let the person know that this method of interaction with the environment is unacceptable. If screaming – let him do so. Get up, ask normal – they get what they want.
– How childhood fears arise?
– the fears of Childhood are always the litmus test of any family problems. They arise when children do not have enough confidence in the world. The irrational fears, the child is difficult to explain them. Put yourself in the shoes of a child, feel: this unknown, a terrible darkness in my room, and I’m in it. And this world is terrible, terrible. I can’t control it, can’t see coming to me some danger. If the child is thus left to itself, if it does not receive the emotional nourishment from the mother, the fear in it is formed and strengthened.
– do we Need to punish the child?
Punishment– a necessary element, which simply can not be avoided in the upbringing of children. But the nature of the punishment should be such that the child understood that wrong and the behavior that he just demonstrated, is unacceptable. In what form clothe punishment parents – to solve them. The most important question: whether it is child benefit or harm? For example, a child did something wrong, and you put him in the corner. Caused you this harm? No. He stands in the corner, he was bored, no toys, there is a chance to think. The child in a more conscious age, you need to involve the correction of a mistake that he made. Suppose he broke the flower pot and the entire floor is now dirty. Let them take a broom, a rag, wipe the floor. If it will cover half the room in the ground – it’s okay, but he will correct his mistake. Thus we teach a child to justice.
– Parenting is a mutual process?
– of Course! Moreover, the education of the child starts with the parents upbringing. What’s the point to explain to the child what is possible and what is not, if the family he sees absolutely opposite? His parents teach, say the right words, but their behavior these words does not match. The child clearly sees this discrepancy and is losing confidence in the mother and father. And will do it exactly as do parents.
If we want our children to be good, must be good ourselves.
Children teach us the most important thing – love, attention, observation. Teach a new treat every day. Therefore, communication with children changes a man. If we open our heart to the child and communicate with him, we become happier. Moms who find themselves in motherhood, are visible at once. No work, no high position will not give this feeling. Hedonism, the eternal quest for new pleasures – a dead end. Any experience boring. To observe the same as your child grows, give him a joy to open with it this world – it is, indeed, happiness.
– What is most important in child development?
– Love – this is a mandatory factor in the harmonious development of the child. Loving mother always tries to help her child. She may not have special knowledge in psychology. If she needs them, she will find them. She will do everything to make the baby grow up happy, healthy and independent. You need to understand the goal toward which we strive in education, child development. Not taking into account the moral aspects, the primary responsibility of parents to teach the child to adapt to the external environment, i.e. to be independent. He has to cope with fears, to be able to meet life, and then for the creative, spiritual needs, to solve the tasks set before them life. Can it act independently or not – here is the most important criterion in the development of the child. If and if we can also teach the child the understanding of moral values, then we reached our goals. And he is now able to change the world for the better.