How to raise children according to the rules?
Very important for parents is knowing the rules of application of methods of education, which A. S. Makarenko called “tool touch of personality”.
All methods of education scientists psychophysiological basis, or the mechanism that operates at the subconscious level. Ignoring it may lead to unpredictable results, so parents need to visualize how they applied the method may have an impact on the consciousness and behavior of the child.
The most common methods of raising children are a positive example, story, conversation, debate, teach, exercise, encouragement and punishment.
In Soviet pedagogy was considered to be the most effective methods of persuasion — a story, a conversation, a debate, otherwise known as verbal. Trusting such a scientific recommendations parents naively believed that after same notations naughty child will certainly improve.
The children perceived tedious instructions how soul-destroying occupation, and the outer reaction “of the object of education” did not reflect internal relationships. The child may exhibit ostentatious attention, but, according to psychologists, if he looks over the top of the head of an adult, he is busy with his own thoughts, imaginations; if downward, the soul vehemently argues, rejects the arguments of the parents, as if staring straight into the eyes and even nods, then just slyly, showing a prototype of a future sneak. Although in this case, to reach the consciousness of children is easier.
A question arises: so, not to speak with the child? Of course, we have to talk, but really assessing the possibilities of words and considering the physiological basis of the formation of consciousness, as they are called now. It is established that under the influence of words that must carry new information, in the minds of children occurs rapid analysis of possible actions and deeds, simply put, planning behaviour with regard to knowledge of the consequences. It is on the consequences and should focus parent, communicating with the child in accordance with his age.
For children 6-11 years best suited the story when an adult is available and exciting paints a picture of the attractiveness of actions, approved by the society, and Vice versa. Teenagers prefer to have a conversation in which they participate equally with adults, and for young men and women — discussion.
So, you can and should talk about moral issues with a preschooler and a Junior in high school, while he listens with open mouth and burning eyes, with a teenager — until he asks questions; with a boy or girl until they defend their position. As soon as the child began to escape, the teenager stopped to ask, and the boy or girl to argue, it is better to stop instructions, because there is nothing new from the speech of the parents, the child will not know.
The only way you avoid the common mistakes of adults who repeat the hackneyed truth and whose words are transformed into the same peas Bouncing off the walls. Of course, we are not talking about cases where the word used for punishment: it is well known that word can hurt more than weapons. But there are already other rules.
Before other methods of education for children starts to work example. They often copy their loved ones, and calm parents even babies cry less. No wonder the famous Roman philosopher Seneca, many sayings which are still used as a proverb, said: “it is Difficult to bring good ethics, easy — example”.
The effect of the example is based on by nature in living beings propensity to imitation, which is the physiological basis of example as a method of discipline . This tendency in animals sometimes leads to comical situations. Scientists have discovered a phenomenon called “imprinting” when, for example, hatched from eggs Chicks imprint the image of the first moving creature or object, usually the mother. Next, the kids follow her around, copying everything back and getting the necessary skills. But the situation Comedy was acquired when the experimental Chicks were first seen testers, who were then believed to be the mother, requiring an appropriate attitude.
In animals heritance is unconscious nature, and people, over time, becomes conscious that he is one of 4 directions in its development. Even heritance game develops from imitation to imitate in life. For children game — a very serious matter, the simulation of the future. And therefore, in the most common the game “mom” children do not just copy the real atmosphere of his home, the style of interaction but also practiced in creating models of the future family.
So is sex-role identification: the child is preparing for the implementation of one of the three major social roles — the role of family man. Therefore, after watching the games of children, parents may see themselves as in a distorting mirror. And then you try to fix something, gently giving stuff for future games: something to read, talk or even be involved in the game.
Moreover, for both girls and boys is not only the mother, embodying the emotional beginning, but the father, the bearer of rational, disciplinary component. And if the son just copies his father, training in the future role, the girl shaped a life partner that she will continue to try on young people. Noticeable currently familiarizing the representatives of the stronger sex to the education of children shows positive shifts in gender equality.
Another peculiarity of imitation is its development from imitation closest samples to imitate distant. Given this feature, parents should remember that, first, their behavior is most significant for children in the sense of replication. For if next to them will not be an inspiration to a loved one in the future from them it is difficult to expect normal behavior. Secondly, it is useless to try to set a young child to follow the example of some positive portrait or even a real hero. To such samples as the ideal will be pulled unless a teenager, when I think about self-education.
Finally, heritance varies from role model to internal and external copy of all behavior, the referral of individual traits. But these features are manifested later, when the child will be able to analyze complex processes, and are also connected with the self.
Trying to base education on positive examples, adults can make mistakes. For example, sometimes as a model is proposed that whoever is not like a child with their evaluation criteria. And if parents frequently comment on how well the neighbor’s daughter or what good manners they have a son, his own child, just hate vaunted neighborhood children. Especially because no one is able to become an exact copy of another person, the identity is unique and you can repeat actions and deeds. Their parents should be offered as a role model, while necessarily telling the child faith in your strength.