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The education of the Child, the Severity or Softness?


For many new parents this is a difficult question the severity or softness in the child’s upbringing. The vast majority of new parents soon find the answer to this question. But for some, it remains an unsolved problem, despite all the experience.

First of all I should clarify that, in my opinion, it’s not the severity or softness. Good parents who are not afraid to insist on when you get good results at moderate severity, and at a moderate softness. On the other hand, the severity, coming from coarseness or softness, which grew out of shyness or lack of principles, can lead to bad results. The result of education depends not on the degree of severity or mildness, and your feelings to the child and from those life principles that he gets you.

Modern views on child rearing

Modern views on child rearing is largely different from the past. We imagine a clearer fundamental changes in the principles of education, if you make a little history of this question.

The degree of rigor in the education of children has varied in different eras. For example, in the nineteenth century were persistently raised external modesty and manners. In the XX century, especially after the first world war, there was a sharp change in attitudes to education. This was facilitated by several factors.

The study of juvenile delinquents

American scientists John Dowey and William Kilpatrick proved that the child can be trained better and faster if you adjust to the level of his mental and physical development and at the same time assume that he also wants to learn everything. The study of juvenile delinquents showed that the overwhelming majority of them suffered from lack of love, and not the lack of punishment. These and many other discoveries contributed to a decrease in the degree of rigor in the education of children and the desire to develop their personality.

Progressive American pediatricians have begun to implement similar principles in the practice of newborn care. However, before the 40-ies of our century doctors no liberties in the mode of feeding infants, fearing that the lack of regularity in diet and in the amount of food can cause severe stomach disorder that had previously been a cause of child mortality. But the results of the experiments scientists-pediatricians Preston McClendon and Frances Simsarian, published in 1942. Helped to convince the doctors that newborn, establishing themselves schedule their feedings, grow up perfectly healthy children. Today in the U.S. most infants are fed on a relatively flexible schedule.

Doctors recommended for young parents

Previously, doctors recommended for young parents to raise children in severity, so as not to spoil them. Today, doctors are advised to meet the needs of the child, not only in food, but in affection and consolation.

These discoveries and new attitude to the upbringing of the child may be of great benefit to both children and parents.

But such fundamental changes in the principles of education can not cause doubts among many parents, and other completely confused. And not surprising, because it is a revolution in attitudes. In human nature inherent desire to raise the child, just as he had raised himself. You will easily perceive new ideas about vitamins and vaccinations, if you’ve been brought up in excessive rigor, demanding complete obedience, impeccable manners, absolute truthfulness and puritanical attitudes towards sex, you, naturally, and even inevitably, deep down, would condemn his children for lack of these qualities. You can accept the new theory, but when a child commits an act that in the days of your childhood was considered bad, you against their will are not able to come to terms with this and are upset, more than you would like. Don’t be ashamed of this feeling! In accordance with the laws of nature, we are raising our children as we were raised. This is reasonable. Thus, one generation passes their ideals to the next generation, which is the key to the preservation of our culture.

Children brought up in loving families

Children brought up in loving families and grew up well-adjusted people, naturally, will educate their children as well. They will not go to extremes, following the new theories. When doctors insisted on strict diet and sleeping child, such confident parents are in substantial compliance with the mode (most children have followed it most of the time), but was not afraid to make an exception and to feed the child outside the schedule, if he is very hungry. They were convinced that it must. When the doctors have started the theory of flexible, self-confident parents also were not going to blindly follow this theory. If the child is cranky and doesn’t want to go to bed, although it was time, they still put him down, because they are well learned in childhood that the time to sleep, then, and talk about, and need to lie down. And the theory about the flexibility of the schedule has nothing to do with this situation.

Parents entangled in theories

Parents caught in new theories. Usually two types of people. The first are those who were raised to be insecure. Therefore, they inevitably have to follow the advice received from all sides. While the latter are those who are dissatisfied with their education. These people remember how they internally rebelled against the tyranny of parents, and they didn’t want their children felt about him the same. Such parents have a hard time. If you educate children the same way, as did your parents, then you know exactly what degree of obedience and courtesy you want them to do. You don’t need to invent anything. But if you want to treat them differently than your parents treated you (for example, not strictly or more in a friendly way) then you are deprived of the sample and sometimes you are confused, not knowing what to do. For example, if the child begins to use your gentleness, you will be outraged, but you will be hard to cope with it, because the more you get angry at the child, the more I feel guilty, considering that become like their parents, which was determined to avoid.

Of course, for the sake of clarity I have slightly exaggerated the difficulties faced by young parents. Most of us partially accepts and partially rejects the methods of education used by your parents.

The only question, to what extent. Most of us come to a certain compromise between parental practices and new theories of education, and this compromise is sought Golden mean.

Strict upbringing of the child

If you prefer strict upbringing of the child, be consistent in severity. Moderate severity in terms of requirements of good manners, unquestioning obedience, accuracy will not harm the child, if the parents are by nature good people and if children grow up happy and sociable. But austerity is harmful, if the parents are rude with the kids and constantly dissatisfied with them, if they in their demands make no allowance for age and individual characteristics of the child. In such circumstances, the child will grow up either cowardly and colorless, or a cruel person.

Parents who prefer ease in handling the child, who did not give much importance to his manners (he generally loved people and do not insist on absolute obedience and accuracy, is also raising sociable and attentive to others people, if they are not afraid to stand firm on issues that they consider critical.

When parents are too soft poor results from your upbringing, it’s not because they demanded little from their children (although that too), but because they were ashamed or afraid to insist on his own the requirement, or because they unconsciously encouraged the tyranny of their child.